Gushing

I had a good day today. Breakfast with Chatton and Titania went longer than expected so I decided I'd go to work tomorrow instead of today. Then we headed downtown for some light but needed shopping. I ended up with a bath robe and a tank top. Of course we found a reason to see the Knitter at work. We also talked to his co-worker who we really like and is from England. We want to make her our friend.

Anyways, more talking plus glances and smiles as she was helping us rather than him. He met Titania and we talked about the sad state of his shoes. He assured us all he needed was duct tape but we all disagreed completely and said he needed new shoes. He failed Titanias "shoe test for boys". However, he passed my "drinking test for everyone" stating Gin and tonics as his drink of choice.

Chatton is in agreement with me about him seeming to want to know me better. He knews the details about the art show on Saturday but no word on if he is going to come yet. He is definately coming to the craft group though. I am excited but I think I will be more excited if he decides to come to the art show. More out of his comfort zone and more potential for talking alone.

Chatton and I went to her work tonight and talked to her only male co-worker about if boys can tell whhen someone likes them based on certain behaviour. His basic answer was that at least he couldn't and that actions spoke way louder than words. I understand for sure but I think things are progressing decently for now. I don't want to push things too much, especially when he seems kind of shy and quiet. But I also think I have to be a bit more forward if he starts hanging out with us a bit and I start to know him better and want to for sure take it that way.

But you know right now I'm good. I am relaxed around him. He's seen me dressed up all professionally and also in my yoga pants and hair tied back. He does really need new shoes. It's not that his are particularly awful style wise (but there is room for improvement if he wanted to go that direction) they just have holes in them. big ones. silly boys.

But right now I like boys. This one is causing me little angnst now and just excitement. It's good.

Edit at 11:42: I'm trying to sleep but I can't. I know it's still early but I want to sleep well so I'm motivated to go to work tomorrow. Instead all I can do is think about the Knitter and sex. Not sex with him yet really. Well kind of but not entirely. With him I just want to know if he is interested and to know that he knows I am too. That's the next step and I want to be there. I really do want him to come on Saturday. I'm trying not to think he will but I'd really like him too.

It's driving me mad and I want to have an orgasm and drift off to a pleasant sleep but it's impossible. I just stay at this level of heightened excitement that never fully disappears. Like I am super aroused but never going to hit that end point and there comes a point where it's just frustrating to keep trying. I just want to cum and that used to be so fun and easy.

And it all gets tied to the knitter. I can work on the shoes later. I just want to know. I just want to have him do something to let me know. Or make me feel a little more secure in trying more. I was calm earlier but now I'm crazy. I know it's all physical and sex right now but I just want it. It's not like I want him to be my boyfriend, I just want to know if he wants to hang out with me once in a while with the potential for making out. To see if we actually get along and have fun together.

Today Chatton and I mentioned that we had made soap and he asked "With what kind of fat?" I explained I was doing the lazy Melt/Pour way and not cold/hot process but that fact he knew how to make soap from scratch made me want to grab him. It was hot. And I was thinking about what he's going to be working on at the craft group but just when I thought about sitting with him knitting I was done. That was enough.

Maybe I'm just getting so tired of my complete lack of boys and with my current ability to do new things I just feel...something. I don't know. All of this is going nowhere. But then somehow it is actually going somewhere. We are seeing each other on Sunday. We have things in common. He might come to the art show. He might come to a party one day. He has thought about us becoming better friends. He likes to talk to me. He wants to come to Daiso with us. He owns lots of books. He lives downtown which is sexy. He doesn't need to always be in a relationship.

But nothing can be done tonight. Nothing can be done for sure until Sunday. That is unless he calls me and comes to the art show. Then I can drink and touch him and be weird. In a good way. An he can be weird too and hoepfully it'll all be fun. And then he'll touch me back and it'll be cute and Chatton will giggle at me because she's never seen me like that with a boy I actually like and isn't just a friend.

I sound crazy right now. I am going to go back to my bed where my vibe is and try to get some bloody rest. I need to not think about this until something actually moves forward. I feel the need to scream or something but it would wake Titania up.