Developing

Tonight Tiania and thign her the boy were weird. I guess I just hold people up to a high standard and if I'm somehow upset with how I'm being treated I'll almost always say something even if it's just a small comment the next time we talk. Especially if I'm upset enough to tell other people about it. So when she doesn't I feel like I should say something but then she doesn't need anyone tellling her what to do and if she wanted my advice she'd ask.

But when you wait around for three hours to go out and then when you say you're not interested anymore because you're frustrated about waiting so long and then he's irrtated at you for being confusing and you think that's completely fair I think somethings wrong.

Also, Tonight I overheard her talking to her mom and she said that he was the only thing making her happy right now and so she wanted to spend a lot of time with him. I think that's bad. People should add to your happiness not be the source of it, especially the only source of it. I know she's unhappy with her job and she's feeling dissatisfied with some of her friends but those are things only she has the power to change. It's not like she can't get a better job or go out with the friends she does enjoy, or meet new people. But when she spends most of her free time with me or the boy, it limits her time to presue other things. I'm on her ass about the job and I am wanting to go out much more now plus I think that it's ok to not hang out with friends who you don't have a good time with.

I guess I am a firm believer that you create your own happiness and it can't depend on any one thing. Or maybe I'm just jealsous or have unreasonable expectations. I may be a little unhappy about not being in England and having to go to UBC in the fall but I'm trying to focus on what I do have and the good parts of it. I have to because I know what happens to me if I don't.

I also think part of it is that I'm not sure about this guy in general and I have not met him. I know he stayed here overnight before I came home and I know Titania would rather stay here with him sometimes. He's weird about it because I am sleeping in the living room (Separated by great curtains as of this morning) but I told her it was fine under a few conditions. Basically no sex that I can hear can occur, I have to meet him first outside of the flat and not on a night where he ends up over, and that my sleeping schedule be respected. But he's not interested.

I want to get off that topic because it's kind of frustrating me. I just don't want her to shove aside her feelings for his because then she has less right to feel hurt if his behavour repeats because she didn't tell him it was not ok the first time. It's confusing and inconsistant. blah. ok, I'm really done now.

I went to virgin today again. I didn't see C, almost bought Quills and actually bought Wonderfalls. I am not at all expecting to see him tomorrow at Claires. I am also probably going to go out on Friday night to see a friends show even though I am supposed to go to my sisters overnight. I'll end up just going there in the morning instead. I told Titania but she didn't seem too intersted so I'm not sure who I'll go with. I have a few other people to ask though.

Have I mentioned how much I love my queen size bed compared to the tiny single in England? The down duvet is really much better too. (yes, I am in bed right now.)

I wanted to say one not-so-cryptic thing before I go. You know how when there's something that you want to say but you aren't sure how it'll be received so you don't quite say it, but it's obvious what you want to say? ya. I have to go wank now. more tomorrow.