Feeling Single

I was surrounded by couples or at least people who were coupled all night. I met a few new people, laughed way to much with Chatton (vejeege is so short for vagina and cooler than vag), and drank myself to a happy but not incapacitating state. I had fun but now I feel alone.

I was sitting on a tiny sofa with Chatton, leaning on her, our legs intertwined. I said to her that I was the only non-coupled one there. SHe said two other girls weren't coupled. But then said oh, right, because they were their others were just not there, either at their homes and sleeping or on their way home. Then she said that it was unfortunate. I'm not sure exactly what that meant if I were to read into it but unfortunate was the exact word used.

And then I was thinking about C becauseChatton asked how the night ended at Claires and if I taked to him. I explained but then said the evening just kind of ended and Nothing happened and I hadn't seem him since. SHe then said something to the effect of "so there just wasn't anything there" and I said that wasn't necessarily true but then didn't know what to say. I thought about saying that I just didn't think he had enough energy and craziness for me but then said that I'd think up something to make it seems like I don't want it. She didn't quite get it, mostly because of all the alcohol, but it was a very true thing for me.

On the other hand I received an amazing but all too short call from Midge today as I was about to leave the house. Then I texted her and received and weird/half cut-off text back and then felt giddy. Like the fantasy of her hands and lips and pussy have become something else. And I'm not sure if it's partly because of the seeming impossibility or what. And tonight I wanted to tell some one. I wanted input and I just couldn't tell anyone. I just couldn't.

So now I'm naked lying on top of my bed and waiting for the cat to come in. I might make pancakes for Titania in the morning if I'm up early enough. I think when it comes down to it, I just want excitement. I want to be excited about school, work, friends, boys. I want to wake up everyday knowing that anything can happen. I want someone beside me who understands that and wants to see it too.

And, though off-topic it may seem, I may not have the best body right now, but I am hot. I got tons of compliments tonight. My hair, dress, mood. I was in this place where things clicked and I was happy and comfortable. I want to be there more. I want to be there forever. And I know it's totally possible. And one day I will meet a guy who kind of gets me and wants me, at least for a while. I know it won't make everything good but it will help. And it has to be out there I know, I'm just concerned and starting to become confused.

What is the (my?) problem? Why isn't this part of my life existant? It's not even a question of why it's bad? why does it not exist at all?