Finding Excitement

I bought new toys today. The smartballs I have coveted for a while are now mine. Plus the lavaspot in matching colours. It's much tinier than I though but has some cool pulse settings and is nestled in between my legs but tunred off as I type. Titania is sleeping on the couch and our new "Golden Girls" DVD's are playing.

I'm thinking about Midge and what any of this does if anything. I'm not "worried"or anything like that, but I will admit there are some new "what if's" and curiosities about her return. We have a plan to spend a day or two alone just to cook, and craft and listen to music and stuff. We thought about this a long while ago and isn't formally set at all but it's in the plans. So now it's gently rolling around my head if that has suddlenly taken on additional potential.

I mean I've had crushes on girls but never anything I've wanted to act on, or known that there was potential reciprocation. And my only girl-girl experience that was more than experimenting was a kiss snuck in the heat of the moment when the Artist left me and one of our friends alone for a few minutes while watching a film. We never talked about it and it never happened again.

So now I've trying to decide if I actually do want to act on this or it's just some fodder and lots of missing her and the immense growth of our friendship over the last 8 months or so. I miss our long rambling chats and I am eager to have her home to hang out with. The question is, are missing her and sexual frustration combining to give me confusing and false feelings or I am I totally overthinking and a little harmless making out would be great? or something like that.

I also think part of this is that she knows. I've fantasized about friends before but they've never known. (aside: I don't know how much of her thoughts she is passing onto me is considered fair game to re-type here. Total grey area. If she didn't read I wouldn't care but she does.) And I know she thinks positively to a certain degree I just don't know to what extent and in what way.

I realize we should talk about it but occasioanl emails aren't the way to go. But then maybe I should just relax and enjoy my sexual thoughts for now and set aside reality until it's closer. Maybe by then we'll both have boys and be less sexually frustrated. However, I think even if I'm getting laid I'll still kind of want more. hmm. But it's all good thoughts, and maybe it's only about not getting my hopes up. That is an actual possibility.

Last, and unrelated, thing: I have a awfully sore throat and have been sucking on strepsils like there's no tomorrow. Everyone hope I don't get sick. I have a very important weekend coming up.