Another Late Morning

I think I do want to drop another one of my lectures. I don't want to go to arts advising though to do it because they made me cry last time. It means I will need to get a job next term but I can finish the stuff up at HK Inc. and then get a ncie relaxed job at a bookstore or something. It's a bit scary but I feel destroyed by this term.

Titania and I had a good walk last night. We bundled up because of the cold and walked. We paused at some swings for a bit and then toured the 24-hour grocery store nearby. I felt so sick and still kind of do this morning. Not nearly as bad though. We were nice and tired when we got home though and I was asleep by 3:30.

I blabbered about CRB more and I think the most important thing that came out of it is that I think I get so nervous because I don't know what it really going on. I mean we're just friends and are getting to know each other for the first time in many ways. However, there's this physically energy between us that's so much more developed. It's not a sexual chemistry at all though. I don't know what it is and for me that makes it very hard to deal with.

Like I wanted to hold his hand yesterday while we were walking. That would be inappropriate for where we are as friends though and I certainly didn't want him to kiss me when we parted. So what is that desire/need to have him touch me and feel warm and cuddled by him. I'm sure that it's familiarity and comfort but is that fair of me to him? This si what I am struggling with currently I think.

But as usual I've got to start doing something which means writing papers and putting some food in my body. I don't expect to hear from him about tomorrow night until tomorrow but if anything major hits me it'll end up here.