Restlessness

I kind of want to skip dating. I just want to get ot the making out part. It's unfortunate in a way that I can't. I'm losing interest in the possibility of the Filmmaker. He was moving this weekend so I wasn't expecting to hear from him but I'm not as interested anymore. I'm trying not to get my hopes up with it and I think that has resulted in me not caring at all. I kind of feel like moving on but I don't really know what a next step is.

I'm feeling better today. The morning started off low but got better. I talked to my teacher about some of my school insecurities and she helped a bit. I also come home to make-up in the mail which is always good. I've been relaxing and getting ready for my interview tomorrow since getting home. Just kind of hanging around in near-nakedness feeling like myself.

I made a scarf for a girl in my class and now my teacher wants one too. that's motivating me to get some new things online and try to make some extra money that way. Ultimately though my goal is extra income through make-up. That would feel best.

Actually, untimately my goal is to have enough money to live through the rest of school, stay positive and actually date a few people. That's my three things. No, I'll add spend more time with friends as a fourth. No more freaking out over one bad incedent, especially if it's not really that bad at all.

Restlessness relates to me wanting to be with people. I want to be out talking and being funny and light-hearted. (This is kind of what I'm talking about when I talk about my moods being a little crazy). But instead I'm going to watch tv, have a bowl of cereal and find some new stuff to wank to. It's a start at least. Tomrrow I will work on the being more light-hearted and thinking of how I can start dating.