mornings

Titania and I both slept way in today. We're just finishing up breakfast and smoothies. I feel like rollerskating but I'm still not very good. I used to be good when I was younger but haven't used the ones I bought nearly as much as I should. Especially considering their price.

I received an email from Midge that has settled me on that front. I know where she stands and part of that is that she has no expectations of my actions. So for now I can rest knowing that's true and assess how I feel when she's around and we're resorting the friendship on just a friendship level. I do have a feeling that I wouldn't be so considering it if I was seeing someone and my mind didn't keep venturing that way. I mean I fantasize about a bunch of things I'd never actually considering doing.

However, in another way I think that it's just that I don't fancy a relationship with her and I'm just not that interested in casually sleeping with a friend - any friend. But, we'll see. I'm not dismissing it but when she's here I'll have to decide what my thoughts really are and see if I'm doing something or not doing it for the right reasons.

I've also thought more about C. He's more complicated/immediate though because I don't know him very well at this point and he's actually in the same city as me. Maybe it would be a good idea to go after him only because I'm not very familiar with him and the potential for hurt/disapointment is low. I'm not sure if that's true though. And I don't really know what to do if I make that decision that I would like to see him outside of Virgin at some point. I really have to get over this.

one last question about Midge: why didn't I know this before we both left? Was it not there? Was it concealed them becasue of me? becasue of her? becasue of the serious relationship she was then in? I don't think I need answers but it does occur to me.

I really feel like going out today and doing something active. A bunch of people around me are buying or have bought bikes and it makes me want one. Something cool and old school though. I really should just use my rollerskates. I do have something I'm supposed to do today because I'm avoiding it. It makes me kind of a bad person but I'll try to make up for it.