Another evening

Well I spent about 5 hours in the office today and got a few things done. My production/time speed is really low right now. I've got some of my practical things done and have more to do tonight. I think I'm going to spend my last dollar on popcorn too. I will be getting some money tomorrow but it's still not a great idea. whatever.

I thought I had some things to say but I forgot them all. Kind of the story of my life right now. Either I write it down, say it constantly or forget it. I guess it's just the same old stuff really. I have plans on Friday night and my be getting my hair cut with Titania on Saturday, or going to lunch with Olive. I really don't know. I'm trying to stay busy but some days/hours/moments I just want to eat popcorn and watch films forever.

In a way this whole "getting back to normal" stage has been way harder than all the actual funeral related activities. I have less to occupy me now and just have my day-to-day life. It's not bad but just not right. But all I have is feelings and nothing concrete. I guess it would be better if something was awful or something was great.

But something is awful. So completely bad I don't want to think about it at all. I know I have to and I have lots of people to talk about it with but when I say it in a way that is more than simply factual and distanced...well the thing is that's the only way I have said it expect for a bit at the service with my sister. On the meme I got from classclown (I haven't finished it yet) there's a question that asks what your greatest fear is. I saw it and the first thing I thought was "fulfilled". It sucks but it's really true.

I'm going to run now and have some of the soup that Titania made today and do some crafting and budgeting. My evening will be relaxing if not exciting. I might have a bath later, and we all know what will happen in there.