Love

I'm sitting in nmy bed in tears. sniffly, hard-to-breathe, burning eyes, tears. And it's all becasue I've just watched the two last episodes ever of Queer as Folk. But these days tears are full of everything. They're full of love and laughter and loss and lack. It's not knowing what my plan is after May 2006. It's feeling so near to completely satisfied.

I thought I was in a place to write but I think that I am not. There's so much going on. Today. This week. This month.

Today I sold some plates of my father that I think I should have kept. I've kept a lot and I didn't want them but they were the only thing that I looked longingly upon as it was carried away. I rekindled my love for sportsbras and racerback tanks. I've cleaned up puke the my cat got all over the house. I wore self-designed earrings. I laughed and smiled. I have a sore legs and back from crapms and moving boxes.

This week I want to finish work at HK Inc. I will order business cards. I will order awesome pins to sell. I may put film in my dads old camera. I will deposit a cheque for more money than I've made in the last two years. I will meet new people to craft with. I will eat pizza for breakfast and pancakes for dinner. I will make stationary.

This month I will go back to school. I will begin to get a sense of if an MA is really my next step. I will meet more new people. I may get a new kitten. I will trim my hair but leave it red. I will learn to rollerskate.

But there's always more. I've been staying in a bit recently and just hanging out. I feel like it's downtime but also refresh time. I'm comfortable and pretty content. I know I've got to add some things in but right now I'm good. I'm doing what I think I need to be doing with little else in my way. I'm a bit scared of what's upcoming but a few deep breaths and I'm sure it'll all be good. I will meet a lily and a classclown. It'll all happen.