Insecurities

I'm having a crap few hours. here's what I just wrote to Lily:

I'm up and down. having issues packing...I keep looking at everything and just feel overwhelmed...I think I'm just feeling overwhelmed in general... I've got a to-do list but it's lots of smaller things and some are optional. and packing. And I want to see everyone before I go but I'm just not really good company and it kind of sucks.

I think the overwhelmed feeling is making me feel bad and I've spent a bunch of time alone the last two days. I'm having a feeling I get when I'm depressed that's a feelling that is very distant. Kind of outside of myself and not really connected to the world. I just want everything to be packed and to not need to worry about baggage limits and customs.

I have got a lot done. Well things are all sorted and on the floor by nothings actually in the suitcases. All my banking/important stuff is taken care of. I do have to book my train ticket to Manchester but I have to switch trains there in 10 minutes and I'm converned I'll miss the train so I want to go buy the ticket in person to see what happens if I miss the train to the airport.

I'm going to try to pack a bit or do some more sorting. I just ate a lot of ice cream and I feel like shit in so many ways.