Number three

I've been posting a lot. Since I wrote last I got a really cool parcel of really cool stuff. I got two results back, one very good and one decent. I wrote the exam and feel ok about how I did. I have two days now before my next exam and I actually have to study for becasue I don't know enough to not, but the exam in only one hour compared to two as is normal and much more focused which is great.

I love this time of year because it gets dark so late. Like it's almost 12:0 and the last of the light is disappearing. Half an hour ago it's was still mostly light. So nice. I might do a bit of crafting and then read an go to sleep early again. Last night I was in bed soaking up post-orgasm bliss but 11:45. It was good. I just realized it's my grandma's birthday on Friday and I haven't sent a card yet. I must do that tomorrow when I go into town to buy soy milk. Usually I just talk to her on the phone but I don't want to pay that much (we're not close). Oh, well.

Last thing for today is that I'm feeling pretty attention starved and wanting love and sex. I'm getting my period in the next week which has something to do with it, but there's other things. I'm not really seeing many people right now becasue of exams and it's sad that lots of people are leaving soon and I'll likely never see anyone again. That's a weird feeling. Like when I left Vancouver it was all just "see you later" but here it's like "Well, nice to meet you and have a good life."

The coupled downstairs boy said hello again and he's working on saltspring (an island of vancouver) for the summer so I said if he wants to be in touch to get a hold of me. His girlfriend (I so forget what name I gave her) has a load of family in Vancouver so that'll be neat too if she's around there. And I do have lots of people in Vancouver to be loved with and drink with.

So my body's reaction to all of this is that it was sex really bad. Not super logical but I'm not going to complain too much I guess. At leaast I know that this extended time of singleness isn't having lasting affects on my sex drive. My sanity is another thing entirely. And people in Vancouver will be way less hot because they won't have these wonderful accents, or be curious about mine. Bloody hell really.

I'm scared that everytime Someone in Vancouver asks me if it's nice to be home or says that it must be I'm not going to know what to say because it's really not. I mean I know I love Vancouver. I mean it's my city, but I don't want to be there. Visit for a month. Not for 20. BUt I can't really be going into it with all this attitude really. I just have to know it'll be good.

I was thinking about how I've changed and how I'm worried people won't like that and I realized that's not really what I"m sacred of. I think I'm just more settle now about who I am. I'm certainly way less neurotic and panicky and I know what I'm doing now. I think the changes are all really deep and not obvious more than me just being more relaxed. So I'm worried that people will assume that nothing has changed and all my weird little habits are still intact. That I'll be denyed the feeling that I've changed because it's not really obvious.

Like I have this thing with cutlery. Well I did. I couldn't stand big spoons and knives when I ate. Always teaspoons and salad forks. Or even baby forks. BUt here I didn't have the luxery of being catered to in a way and just had to buy the cheap forks and go on with it. But most people know that it's a weird thing with me, so they'll always change things for me but I don't care now. It's weird to correct someone but then I feel like they don't know something that I feel really great about getting over.

woah, this went on much longer than I thought. All I wanted to say is that I really want a warm hard cock attatched to a boy who's reasonably cute and very nice and likes me a bit to hang out with. It sounds so simple but it's not proving to be so in the real world that I'm in. Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy, I just feel like that little bit more would make me delighted.