Full of Feelings

1. I feel sad. I feel unenergetic and low. I want to curl up by myself and pretend stuff.

2. I went out with Paris tonight and it was nice. We were both tired though. I admitted that The Artisit was the last person I've had sex with when she asked. I explained (because I felt like a loser) that I only want to sleep with someone when I'm in a relationship and when I'm not really interested in a relationship it's hard. It's been true at time but not recently. I'm really trying to be excited about her party tomorrow night and just staying postive. Last weekend has me a bit concerned.

3. I want to be watching "what not to wear" right now but Titania and her friend are getting ready to go out and I'll feel like more of a loser than I already do. Plus, from what she's told me of the friend I don't think she's a very good or positive person to be around.

4. I feel like the artist asked me for coffee because he was concerned about me. It feels nice. Just before he asked we were talking about how I hadn't gone to work and he said it's good to go out when you feel that way becasue it really does make you feel better.

5. Midge emailed me to a sad comment about her not staying here when she does come back from Japan. It almost feels like one more thing from Europe is gone. That doesn't make too much sense but I'm not sure how else to put it.

6. Lily and Scotsman broke up. I want to give Lily a huge hug and fly her out here or something. MSN chats will have to do though.

7. I bought tickets to The Killers and British Sea Power this morning. 247.00 total for four tickets for me, Titania, Midge and Penny. I'm super excited. BSP are so bloody loved by me.

8. I miss England. Did I mention that yet?

(edited at 10:00 to add: 9. I love the feeling that someone wants to take care of me. I know that people want me to feel better, but that someone is being pro-active about being there is really touching and amazing. I'm sure that's not the Artist's intention after all going for coffee has been a plan since we atarted talking when I was away. However, identifying that feeling in myself is important. I want to be taken care of right now. I want someone to baby me. I want people to ask me how I'm doing and who really want to hear it. I need some personal attention really bad. I want someone to just sit an mope with me for a bit about my things. Another thing I don't know where or if I'll get it. But maybe that's the same as love.
You know, maybe the reason that I feel the need to tell people about my dad is that it gives me a reason to be sad becasue something about missing Europe just isn't enough and hasn't been validated at all by people around me. I'm crying again for like the 6th time this week and it's stressful and exhausting in itself. I feel so stuck and lost right now. At the same time I'm starting to worry that I'd probably ben spending this Friday night alone if I were in England too. I just don't know anything.)