Pre-party concerns

Well my hair is all straightened and Titania is home. However, she has a headache and she's not really into going out. On top of that I haven't heard from Chatton yet about whether she's coming. So, basically this all means I actually want to go to the party but I'm super nervous about it and comlpetely not comfortable going on my own.

In itself that's pretty silly because I will know tons of people there. There'll be a lot of people I went to high-school and elementary school with, but I haven't seen many of them for several years. I haven't felt like I wanted to go somewhere I can't ina little while. I recall having a mement or two in England but here it just reminds me of the height of my anxiety when I could hardly go anywhere on my own.

So that's where I am. I think the fact that I haven't seen anyone in so long makes me not want to go by myself even more. It's totally insecure of me.

Plus, my books for UBC haven't been delivered yet and the woman at the courier said she's be in in between 4 and 6 and she knows I'm going out at 8. It kind of makes me worried that something is wrong with my intercom or something. But maybe I won't be going out tonight at all. Who knows. My hair looks great if nothing else.

I also had a thought today that it might make my friends here not feel so great that I want England so bad. That might be arrogant of me though. (Can one be both arrogant and insecure?) But really it's more about no stress and my dad and not having to re-adjust to another school. It's having a fresh start. Like in England when I go somewhere with all new people (nearly always) it was all about making a good impression.

Tonight is different though because I feel like people have an image of me and I have to remake it. I don't know why I have to remake it though. I was kind of friends with a lot of people but not close with very many. I was always a little bit distanced. not enough of one thing to fit perfectly into any group. But Titania's in the shower so maybe that does mean that she's into going. we'll see.