Cancelled

We'll I'm not going. I tried. I got dressed. I put a necklace on. I went into the bathroom with make-up but ended up sitting in there crying for nearly an hour. Irealized all I want is someone to ask me how I am and help me feel better. Titania asked if I was ok and wanted to talk but I said no. I'm mad at her. She's now out, which is funny considering she said she just wanted to stay home tonight when I asked if she still wanted to go to the party.

But I called Chatton because her and her boy were still going because I invited them. We talked a bit and the only reason she wanted to go to the party was to hang out with me so they're now coming here to keep me company.

It's my dad's birthday today. No one knows. My mom's out of town, as is my sister. Titania should know but seems to have forgotten. It feels completely unreal and overwhelming all at the same time. In a way it's like everything is too much all out together. And now, adding the necessity of fighting panic attacks I just feel awful. I thought my books coming would make me feel better but they didn't at all.