Fucked up

Today I was doing Titanias make-up before she went to school and she mentioned that she went to the library with the Knitter today. I immediately felt jealous and just as quickly felt bad and then realized I'm being silly and insecure. I don't know what's wrong with me but it makes me feel bad.

I feel like my connections to people are somehow less then those other people make. Like I'm not as capable to make a really deep bond. And that makes me want to cry becasue these days it's that intimacy that's all I want. Why do I feel this why? Why do I feel apart? What am I doing to keep myself distanced?

Times like this I wish I was still in therapy. I feel kind of alone and empty even though I'm not. I have a need that's not being met but I don't know how to get it met.

I've obviously connected to both Starting Over and Dr. Phil a little too much today.

Otherwise the weather is out, I got lots done today and I felt great.