Normalcy

Titania and I are going to go for coffee for a little while this morning. I haven't decided if I'm going to read a book The Knitter gave me or if I'm going to do work for HK Inc. Money has gotten mostly sorted out so that's good. I'll be broke by the end of the month but it's alright.

Last night the knitter came over and had dinner and played crib with Chatton and I. Tons of sexual energy and more getting to know each other talk. He told us his coming out story and I shared a story I've never told anyone before about my first experience with explicit sexuality. It's been awsome overall. We're all kind of shocked at how quickly we've become so close but it's been so fun.

This week has gone by really slowly but has been good. Ringlettes being back is good even though she's been really sick. She's left now and starting to move into the place where she'll be staying for the summer.

Last night we were sitting on Chattons bed and I said I wanted a boyfriend. Like really and truly. Chatton said she didn't and the Knitter said he needs some time alone. It was weird to not be the one wanting to be alone. Moreover I'm not sure how to go about finding a boyfriend. I know it's all about just meeting new people but it feels much more complicated than that.

Titania is ready to go now so my last thing will be that my ability to have a really good orgasm has reappeared and it makes me happy. 6 times yesterday in two sessions. One insecurity about being in a relationship is fading. hmm. not sure if I'm happy about that or nervous.

same old

1. I feel like I'm neglecting the blog.

2. I'm on bad terms with my mom and it's very stressful.

3. I'm having severe money issues.

4. I start school on May 28th now.

5. Ringlettes is home and it's good.

6. New friend (lil boat) gets along with existing friends.

7. We love the Knitter.

8. I might have to put my tattoo on hold.

9. I can't articulate much more than that.

Saturday

My make-up from last night is still on. Mostly it's just the nutty amount of black liner I used. It's very nice out today though bright, sunny, and possibly even quite warm. I have very little in way of plans for today. Some stuff for work, some crafty things. Nothing major.

Chatton is sick and got sent home frmom work this morning. Titani is stressed and upset but in no modd to talk about it, which would probably help her feel better. I am doing well. I don't have too much to say these days but I guess that's been kind of obvious. I just want ot get back on my feet financially, which will happen in the next few weeks. I've been thinking about dating and relationships. Nothing too specific and not about a specific person. I don't really know but it's been on my mind. I'm very excited about school. oh, and I have another really good wank session last night. Makes me happy and feeling kind of normal.

Obsession

1. orgasm came very fast and was good. yay!

2. I've been jealous lately. I know this means I'm being insecure. I'm not sure how to deal with it.

3. I created an online personals account. I'm expecting nothing.

4. I wish I looked better in pictures.

5. I have a tattoo appointment for next month.

6. I'm excited to have my finances back in shape next month.

positive changes

Usually my sex drive is non exsistant right after my period but this does not seem to be the case this month. It's in the middle of the evening but I am taking a wanking break before going back to doing work. If I can have an orgasm I will be a happy girl.

Nothing else really. I guess I'm just excited by my interest in sex as it's been quite low lately.

On my mind

1. The Knitter is awesome.

2. I need some loving touch.

3. I want a boyfriend.

4. I'm unsure if I'll ever have a boyfriend again.

5. I am excited about make-up.

6. I feel unsure of myself.

7. I am glad I have councelling tomorrow.

8. I am scared that this is meant to be my last appointment.

9. I am feeling distanced and needy.

10. I feel like talking and bonding.

My Day

8:30: Woke up. Had a bath. Got dressed.

9:30: Went for breakfast with Chatton.

10:30: Did work for HK Inc. at Cafe.

11:00: Met Titania at Cafe.

11:30: Bought some groceries.

12:00: Crocehted and Watched TV.

1:00: Worked on Introduction letter for School and spoke with the Knitter.

2:00: Sat outside in the sun and crocheted.

3:00: Watch TV and Crochet.

5:00: More work for HK Inc.

7:00: Dinner at home wtih Titania.

Who knows what else after that until I go to bed. Tomorrow I'm going to do about an hours of work at HK Inc. and then Chatton, Titania, The Knitter and I will be heading out to Richmond to go to Daiso. Wednesday is another full day including paying the rest of my school deposit, a trip to dressew, buying magazines, councelling and a craft meet. Then work for the rest of the week.

My mood has evened out significantly since last week. The house is much more settled, my ankle is feeling alright and I'm excited about school. I also know I'll be all caught up finiancially in about 3 weeks at the most and that's a nice feeling.

Dinna Parta

The Knitter came over tonight and we cooked and drank wine and made paper moustaches. So much fun. More tomorrow maybe. I haven't been much in the mood to talk. uh, write.

Sunny

I should clarify that the pervious title wasn't "Bitch" as in "Chatton is one" but rather "I need to...".

I know that it's partly me that keeps me single but it's just emphasised when other people get coupled. It's not me becasue I don't think I'm good enough but that I have issues and they keep me distanced from people for many reasons. And it's not that Chatton is suddenly coupled again. She's still single and just kind of seeing Grey - the first week/make-out session is always the most exciting and now it's over. I was just frustrated by someone else being over so much when I couldn't do anything other than be here and sit. But Chatton has spent much time keeping me company since Sunday and I've relaxed. Not that I didn't have a reason to be irritated but I shouldn't have let it get to me like I did. For my sake. I need to keep things calm to keep my sanity.

I'm feeling like I have to defend myself some how. Just the injury, suddenly move, knitter being gay, registering for school, cutting my hair, has all happened in about two weeks and it's a lot of stuff. Lots of good stuff but that's stress too and stress is not something I deal with well. I'm emotional and it's always hightened because it's loaded with so much sadness about so many things. One more thing like feeling lonely just makes it that much bigger when that alone isn't really the issue.

And I do want to have someone. I want the hand holding and the flirting. I'm happy without it, but I'm sometimes ready for it all and it's frustrating at those times when I can't figure uot how it's all going to happen. But enough for now.

The Knitter sent us the best and sweetest postcards and I'm so happy to make him our friend it's not even funny. He needs some confidence to see how super cool he is and some sense of fun infused into him more. Maybe I'm trying to turn his dorkiness into craziness but it's really way more fun that way. Plus, I do think he has it all in him.

I must go do the next step of dinner. Then back to crafting. Today has been good and tomorrow I go to work and feel stressed for a few hours. Last time for the week though.

Bitch

I feel left out and alone. It's not like I want to sit at home all day watching TV and crafting. Seriously. I just feel super ignored and not good. With Titania away this week I'm sensing I'll just keep feeling that way as long as Chatton is spending every free moment with Grey and much of it is here.

I also feel like I'm blaming myself for feeling bad becasue shouldn't I just be happy for her and maybe I'm just bitter and jealous. I kind of want to go to bed and cry. I really feel that alone.

Restless

Titania is at work. Miranda is coming over for dinner tomorrow night. Chatton is in her room working on school stuff with the new boy (Grey). Her mom is going to bring us dinner later on but I'm hungry. I was working on crafting but did that most of yesterday evening and need a break from it. The Bookstore boy send me a darling email that just made me smile and feel all cared for.

I guess I just want to do something but all my craft stuff is still packed and I just don't have the energy to unpack stuff. I already did dishes today and that took a lot of energy and was really stressful for my leg that I was able to lean on. I'm not sure where my crossword puzzle book is either. I'm kind of glad I'll be at work tomorrow just because I'll not be in my house. Plus it's kind of cold and rainy today so even sitting outside isn't an option.

I feel a little defective because it's been so quick for Chatton to find a boy but I'm starting to feel a bit more settled about it. I do dislike that we've just moved in and she's spending all her time elsewhere but that's emphasised by me always being at home because of my ankle and both Chatton and Titania being really busy. I'll get over it.

Picture 1

Here's what my ankle looks like as of this morning. It's super gross. Pictures of my hair will follow next time it's pretty.

Crap

I just had a bath and it sucked. I feel like it still have soap on me but there wasn't much I could do about it. This morning my foot hurts a lot and the bruising is coming through. So far it's lightly along the top of my foot, an area that wasn't swollen until this morning, and about 3 inches up my leg from my ankle. It's gross.

Chatton came home last night and brought me flowers. I'm not sure if I should talk to her about why I feel so emotionally down. I mean it's not her fault or anything she can change. We'll see.

Today Titania and my mom are going to be finishing emptying the old house. I am going with them but who knows how helpful I'll be able to be. I haven't been using my crutches around the house but I should be and when I do it means I've got no spare hands.

Groan

1. My ankle is swollen and sore.

2. I'm feeling miserable.

3. I'm jealous that Chatton has found a boy.

4. I am happy I registered for school.

5. I am withdrawing from my distance courses at UBC.

6. I do like my short hair.

7. I feel lonely.

Wee!

I cut my hair. Alot. It now grazes my shoulders. It's a "long british shag". I love that it's got a dirty name.

Last sleep

Tonight is my last night sleeping here. I am on the third night of sleeping on the couch. Tomorrow I will be sleeping in our new house on my childhood bed. Sleep will be full of exhaustion and I will be full of celebratory wine. I am excited. Only a very small amount of stuff is left to pack. Oh, except the kitchen - there's still the whole kitchen to do but we needed to get more boxes which we now have. We also have to throw all the towels in a bag once they are out of the laundry. Also, only half of the stuff (furniture, clothes) will be moved tomorrow. The rest will be getting done during the week once they have places to go.

Also, my last sleep (yesterday) was full of dreams including a wonderful orgasm. The second one I've dreamed about that better than most of my real life ones, but just as vivid and fulfilling. Chatton thinks that is my subconscious telling me I need to get laid. I think it is partly that and partly because an orgasm that fulfilling just isn't happening right now in my real life like it has before.

Ona barely related note Chatton has made friends with a guy who frequents her work and she thinks we'd get along really well. He is coming to ours on Tuesday to pose from Chattons drawing assignment and then we're going to a party at his on Saturday. I am not getting my hopes up. Even though he is a mac user and is ok with sexual references.

Must get back to packing though. Don't expect my next post to be until Tuesday when the new flat has the internet hooked up.