I don't feel like I have my life under control. I am handling a major amount of stress on several fronts. I'm working full-time at a job that makes me feel irritated and like I'm wasting my time. On the 20th I switch jobs though, and will be working 6 days a week at the spa until school starts on May 14th.

School is stress too. What if I suck at it. What if everyone else is boring or clique-y. And where am I getting the money from. I can pay in two installments but I still don't have the money.

And money. I can barely make my bills, my moms paying for groceries. It's going to be better this month because of all the work, but I do back to minimal hours with school. My rent will be cheaper but it's still not going to leave me with much.

However, that whole rent thing is stressful because I have no place to live yet. I have only seen two places I actually like (of 12 maybe). I'm waiting to hear about them sometime this week. I'm still looking at other things in case I don't get either of them. I've even started looking at places that won't take my cat because I am worried it's the only way I'll find something. She will go live with my mom until I can have her again.

And then there's filmmaker. I thought it was fine, but apparently it wasn't. He, with lots of work stress as a trigger, kind of freaked out on me on Monday. I totally said that it was unacceptable. I told him that if we were going to be friends at all we were going to have to not see each other so he could decompress. He had to understand that friends was my decision, and if he wasn't able to handle that, even in stress, than it wasn't going to happen at all. Some of the trust I gained disappeared.

I don't feel stable. I don't feel comfortable. I don't feel like anything is working. I am going to throw/give away a bunch of clothes and see if that helps. It's the only thing I feel I can exert any control over. And I really feel bad about spending so much of my inheritance. I totally fucked that up.