thoughts

ok, so I'm drunk again. apparentley I've gone back to drinking.

And I felt good. I had on a cool new shirt, awesome make-up, and I just felt like myself. like dancing and flirting and just relaxing and enjoying myself. but then it slides away. when I realize I'm not the prettiest, or the thinnest, or the funnest. And I'm alone. And I told someone who wanted me to go away. And I know it wasn't a mistake in the grand scheme of things, but I feel alone now. And I don't want to feel alone.

I don't want to be reminded that "my britain" is gone. That I live in a world right now that does not seem to want me as I want to be. hm. it's hard. And I'm trying most days, but it's hard.