lonely?

A text message conversation I am going to go to bed without analyzing to death. My texts are by memory because my phone doesn't save my sent messages. I should change this.

Me: I had an inappropriate dream about you last night?
CRB: oooh do tell
me: just things we never actually did. at least with each other
CRB: Shame
me: really now?
crb: don't you think?
me: sometimes.
cbr: yea, me too
me: hmm
crb: hmm what?
me: nothing. It's been a long week.
crb: and you need to destress.
me: I don't know what I need anymore.
crb: huh?
me: (hesitating and not sending a message)
crb: well if there is anything I can do to help just let me know hun.
me: don't get me thinking.
crb: that's the point
me: really?
crb: wouldn't be saying it if I didn't mean it.
me: ok then
crb: ok then
crb: And at least that way you know you have options
me: more than I was realistically expecting
crb: and what did you expect?
me: honestly? to talk and find out we don't connect like we used to and then not talk again.
crb: and the next question. now what would you like?
me: big question
crb: yup...which is why I ask
me: I guess I never really know with you. maybe that's why I still do this.
me: I'm being honest. I have nothing to lose.
me: and when I do I always fuck it up anyways. (or something like this, I can't quite remember.)
crb: yea I tend to do that as well. just when things are going good too. And I as well have nothing to lose.
crb: And what is it you want?
me: to talk? and that night you spent at my house but without the girlfriend that hates me. what do you want?
crb: well no need to worry about the girlfriend part. I don't have one. I'm happy with anything and everything.
me: well on that I am going to go to sleep. we'll talk in a few days?
crb: for sure. have a goodnight...and keep up the good dreams.
me: thanks but I can't promise anything.

I am alternating smiling and taking deep soothing breaths. But my room is clean minus vacuuming and hamster cage. Off to watch the rest of "An American Werewolf in London". Tomorrow is gym, work, and then evening with Zebra.