panic sets in

fuck fuck fuck. I just need to relax. It's very hard to tell the tone of what someone writes in a text message. This is why I am better off finding a way to accept being alone forever. there are so many possibilities and variables, I need to not think about anything until he reaches to me. I have to accept that things are not in my hands. I need to breathe deeply and not feel lonely and like my life is lacking intimacy. And I need to get it clear out of my head that he will ever solve those two things unless he actually does by repeated and concrete actions. Not by text message alone.