I'm about to leave work to go to this stupid funeral that I do not want to be a part of. Filmmaker stayed over again last night which was nice becasue after tonight I won't see him again until Wednesday. The sex was rough but very good. I woke up angry because I just wanted to stay in bed a few more hours and was dreading the first half of my day. I want to just be excited about dinner.

So anyways, I grabbed what I thought was my ativan (lorazepam on the bottle) so I could stave off any anger and panic. Make it through in a haze of sedatives or something. But I just went to go take one and the bottle contains not lorazepam, but citalopram. That's an antidepressant which won't help at all. The lesson is to not only pay more attention, but to throw out old meds and finnally unpack all my bathroom/makeup/jewelry stuff so it all has a proper place.

So now I'm extra stressed because if I do panic I have nothing to get me through it. And all that makes me feel like panic is unavoidable.

ok, I must go now. I'm mad and I hate this. I feel like either throwing up or yelling. I don't get mad too often but this has me all worked up.