heavy

This week has been ridiculous.

The woman never called back about training but I gave a way a great make-up job so accomodate when she said she was hoping to trin me. The results of this: I am back to looking for work and I feel like my make-up work has lost momentum. Also, my boss knows I don't want to be there, and am doing it because I'm obligated (his advice is to do a job I hate for money; it sucked and I cried at work). More also is that I magically got my phone bill paid off, but still can't afford my rent, no matter food, once the 1st comes around.

I need a job. I applied for three since Thursday, and will do a round of in person resumes on Thursday morning. Still have two others I am considering. I've switched to full time work too, as long as I can get one weekday off per week.

But I'm tired and stressed and having a very hard time sleeping. As a result of this, I'm being distant with the filmmaker. He was over last night and ther was not a single mouth-to-mouth kiss I was in such a frustratated mood. I've even become frustrated by my apartment that never got finished being renovated. But I can't afford anything else and I'm in a lease.

But Filmmaker. He's giving me things I can't return. He dropped his phone the other morning and freaked out and I was so irritated. I mean, just put the battery in and the case back together and it's fine. But he was panicked, like it was broken. I wasn't mean but I wasn't supportive. I just took all the pieces and put it back together and told him it wasn't a big deal, the pieces can come apart. And how do you not know that? I didn't say that last part though.

And his dad was in town on Friday so we went for dinner and it was fine, but quiet. I felt like he should have made more effort to encourage conversation. And I suggested Shabusen (as well as a few other places) because he wanted somewhere nice and he said his Dad had mentioned BBQ, but then his dad said he didn't eat sushi or was that into BBQ. I just felt off about it. But then the whole day was off.

But what was good this week? My mom saw my stress and took me shopping so I could be more comfortable going for interviews. and Filmmaker got me a bunch of jewelery for valentines and it was all nice. And I watched good movies. And I was able to pay my credit card bill on time and finally get my phone bill up to date.

But I don't know if I am falling in love with filmmaker. this is almost weighing on me as much as not having money. I feel like I should be, but I don't think I am. A week ago I kind of did though so who knows. But today I'm not sure if I'd be that upset about not seeing him anymore. I'd be upset about not seeing someone, but I don't know if there's more.

He put warcraft onto my computer, which is fine by me, but it was saying there wasn't enough space half way though, which was untrue, because there were several gigs (it turned out to be an error with the downloading) but he asked me if I could clear some more space. And I was irritated by the request because it's my computer and I was basically letting him use up the last of the space already. And I was thinking of getting him keys and now I don't want to.

Everything feels huge and overwhelming. My nail program fells like it's hindering me getting a job right now (I'm going to stop telling people about it) but ti also feels like the best way to get a consistant job in the industry come September when the program is done. See, it just all keps adding up.