some resolution

Well I have a second job. I got a call today about the interview on Wednesday. It's reception for a spa/salon, potential for full-time nail tech work once I'm done school in September, decent pay with a raise in 3 months, cost on product (AG, Dermalogica, OPI) and free spa and hair services.

But there's a problem. Becasue when I start school in May I won't be able to do all the hours, they are hiring two people. The other girl is in school, so I will be more on-call than anything. But there will be some sort of regularity, with first chance on extra shifts if people need time off. If it didn't have long-term potential I totally would not have agreed to it.

But I don't feel great or like a weight has been lifted. I still don't have money to pay my bills or my rent at the end of the month.

Filmmaker is spending more and more time here. It's nice and I want him here but I'm worried in some ways. Like should there be love before there's semi-co-habitating? The last people I moved in with are no longer my friends. But I don't know if this is what he's thinking. He already has a toothbrish here, but I think things more things are quickly on their way.

I have been thinking of including key's with what I've done for a valentines gift. This is partly becasue he often comes over late after work, and I have to stay up to let him in and partly because sometimes I leave early and it would be nice if I could just leave him sleep and he could let himself out. But then the above concerns come in.

He started to get serious before he left today, but was in a rush and couldn't really get into it expect that he wants to be spending more time here. (When would he play warcraft???) Am I ridiculous for being concerned that he is falling in love with me when I don't know if I'm there yet? I mean I don't know what it looks like. In a super strange way, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to yet. How do I go about addressing that even?

And I found out he spent a lot of money on me for valentines. Like more than a typical montly phone bill. He knows I can't really spend anything at all but is ok with that. And I know what I am doing for him is super sweet and thoughtful, and I have good ideas for his birthday, but I feel anxious. Not becasue I don't want it, but because I'm worried about what it means. I know he ian't coming at me with bad motives, it's more that I'm wondering what feeling is behind it.

I think a talk is in order. Before Valentines, so it doesn't happen then and we can just relax.But I do like the general direction of things. I am comfortable with where it is, and I want it to go forward, but I don't know what the "right" way for that to happen is. I do know there is no "right" way but I want one to gauge myself against. To get a bit of security from.

And on a side note, the woman who took pictures as his wedding is Midge's cousin who I was really good friends with in my post-high-school/pre-Europe days. Super weird.