Many Things

1. I woke up at nearly noon today but since then I have gotten a lot done. Laundry, dishes, recycling, tidying, some phone calls.

2. I am feeling calm about The Knitter. I responded to the email with an invite to a gallery when the new exhibits are up and gave him my phone number. I don't even feel obsessive about it today.

3. I talked to Heavy (of HK Inc.) today and gave him an update. He also said that if I want, come summer he could give me more work if I wanted it. It would be some of the same but also some web stuff. I would ask for a raise but I'm not sure I want to do it just yet.

4. I applied for a tavel agency. If they're interested in me that would probably sway my decision about the above offer.

5. I thought I had posted about this but apparently not. Chatton has a boy of interest right now too, we'll call him Package because he wears tight pants and you can see his. This makes Chatton giggle. Anywaqys, he's coming to the party tonight, and it's his party we're going to tomorrow. It's been fun kind of doing things relating to boys at the same time as chatton but I'm worried about being left out tomnight and tomorrow because Titania is not coming along.

6. I have to get back to doing stuff. I'll give a party update in the morning.

Weird and good

1. I found a 40 GB ipod on the street today! I'm going to post a found add on Craigslist before I decide it's mine. But it holds photos! wee!

2. I talked to The Knitter today and invited him to the party on Saturday. Then tonight he finally emailed me - he had taken so long because he doesn't have his own computer. I should stop thinking everyone has the internet and is as crazy about it as me. I am going to email him back tomorrow and give him my number. I will see him next weekend though at the craft group. Some excerpts from the email:

"And I'm sorry that we didn't get to chat more today at work - it's difficult to get any socializing done there because of all the pushy customers."
" About that party you mentioned - thank you for offering, but I'm really not a party guy. Maybe if we get to become better friends you can drag me to one someday"

Tired

I just can't get enough sleep or something like that. I was in a way better mood yesterday than the day before which is good. Today I am going to get dressed in something other than my yoga pants and go to the bookstore to talk to The Knitter. If all goes well I will ask if he wants to go to a party on Saturday night. I'm pretty unsure about it right now.

Other tasks today include buying some sewing stuff and finishing some sewing, doing laundry and applying for some jobs. So much fun.

Empty

I have no energy to do anything. Something is going on with the weather and the air looks yellowish grey. It's cloudy and stromy but the sun is peaking out in a few areas. I rented movies but watching them feels boring. Everything feels boring. Cooking, sewing, crocheting, talking, reading, crying. And not just boring but impossible. I hit my head on a cupboard door earlier and it really hurts.

And I can't complain. blah.

In Hiding

The last two nights have been full of deep deep sleep and disturbing dreams. It's weird how obvious my movie choices or current concerns play into them. It's making me not want to do anything all day. Including work, which I really have to do. Which I do want to do so that I can be rid of the obligation and so that I can get paid. I have some things I want to buy for myself right now (books, eyeshadow and hoodie) but I can't do that until I have some more money.

I also think I'm starting to sleep too much but the dreams make me feel like crap and exhausted. They come and go. It's frustrating. I also don't really feel like doing anything except crafting and watching films. It's not really good. If it persists beyond the week I'll force myself out of it.

Dreaming

I was going to go into the office today but I'm not now. I woke up about half an hour ago and just got out of the shower. Something about my mood is off. I will work from home though.

Last night was full of dreams though, likely contributing to my mood. The first was me in an intense argument with Titania but it ended up being just confusion and mixed feelings. Then we went with Chatton to look at an apartment that was crazy but very cool. I also went to visit Lily's family but they were all Polish so I couldn't understand what they were saying. They were still super nice to me. Then I was in this group therapy resort but I was very much on the fringe of things. LIke Other people were talking about their problems and fears but I was just watching, observing. I was thinking about my own but I didn't talk about them.

I'm going to go. I don't feel like doing much today and LIly's online so I'm talking to her.

Appreciation

Today I went out for dinner with a bunch of friends. Before that though Midge and I talked deeply about things while she was tattoo'd. At the end of dinner I apologized for not being dressed up - I was in my yoga pants with no make-up and my hair unbrushed. After dinner we went for gelato.

As we left everyone started walking off but I was to walk alone in the other direction. So then they came back and I hugged Midge and we said a few parting words about having more talks. I mumbled something about how I was a bit crazy and then she stopped everyone. She insisted we have an appreciation moment for me.

Here's why I was appreciated:

Midge: because she is strong.
Eastern: becasue she is an image of beauty and health to look up to.
IceHockey: becasue she introduced me to new music.
Blondie: becasue she let me stay with her in Nottingham.
eastern's housemate: because she introduced me to a new sexual term.
Stevie: becasue she is happy and so much fun when I see her.

I felt silly but it did make me feel appreciated. Wednesday is the day to make a move with THe Knitter. While buying self-help books even.

Back with newness

I have a new monitor now. It's not made by apple and doesn't match the CPU case anymore but I should learn to be less of a snob when it comes to these sorts of things. Plus, I'm just glad that I have my darling computer back and finding out the old monitor would no longer work didn't send me into tears.

Two major things are happening right now. The first is simple; I am out of money and must find more work. I know I want something interesting and part time that pays at least $10.00 per hour. We'll see how that goes.

The second thing is more complicated. It is the boy from the bookstore - we'll call him The knitter because, well, he knits. I did tell him about the show last friday but I didn't see him there. I told him the day of and we left early so I wasn't disappointed.

Hmm, I have to go backwards in time a bit to fully explain what's going on. About two weeks ago I went in and pre-ordered a book (about crocheting) they didn't have in stock yet. He mentioned he wanted it too but had to wait until they had it in stock to get a discount. So them on Friday when I was in he said he was thinking about me (yay!) and if I had got the book yet. He told me that when I did to bring it upstairs to the floor he works on so he could look through it.

The book came in on a day he wasn't there so yesterday Chatton and I went it to see if he was there. We ended up talking for over half an hour and had much fun. I found out more about him (not really into music, likes reading, yoga, from the prairies) and gave him my email. I was smiling all day really. It was fun. Chatton kept telling people I was a flirting superstar.

Today I went in and went to the grief book section and saw him. We talked more and I found out he likes art a lot and we talked abit about the gallery I volunteer at and stuff like that. I'm seriously thinking of seeing if he wants to go the the contemporary art gallery one day soon before the exhibits rotate.

I do have some hesitations. He's not into music. He asked Chattons name today and that makes me insecure because boys always like her. A girl he works with (from England and really nice) asked if we were his friends or he was just shamelessly flirting and it worries me that maybe he doesn that with tons of people. Also a girl in another section came over and talked to him about he leaving and when she was next in and stuff. I know that could be legitimate work stuff but it could not be.

Otherwise, I like what I know so far and would like to know more. I would like to get some serious reassurance that he's interested too though. I mean I go in there every week at least once and I always talk to him so I think I'm pretty obvious. Hopefully hell email me as we talked about for the craft group. All in time I hope.