Regularity

I'm not able to fall asleep but I really want to because waking up at noon just wastes so much of my day and I'm going back to work soon so even though I can basically pick my own hours I should do it early-ish. On the other hand I guess, I'm starting to have weird, disturbing, complex and emotional dreams again. That makes me not so eager to fall asleep.

My days are being filled with Chatton, dolls and crafting. I'm feeling pretty good but need to get back into the habit of running and be more diligent about working on school stuff every day. I also need to settle down on the spending and cook more fresh and healthy meals. I made soup the other might and it was very relaxing to do. It might become an every weekend thing or something. Soup is so good and so easy to make.

I don't have much else. I was just sitting in bed thinking about England and dreams and felt like writing some of it down might make me feel more prepared to sleep but I don't really know what I was thinking or what I need to say about it.

Chatton and I met up with Miranda briefly yesterday afternoon. Miranda was telling us about this boy who works in an antique shop near her who is cute, who strikes her as someone who would be cool to be friends with and listens to CBC. Then she says it would be so good if she knew anyone to set him up with. Chatton was like "he'd so be Celia's type" and Miranda kind of ignored it. It was weird to me. I just didn't get something about it.

I feel like being absorbed by something. Maybe why that's why I like the shower. I want to be do focused on something that allows me to block out everything else. I can just be me in a perfect little bubble and not forced to think about what I'm missing or what I don't know. I think the dolls and the crafting really do that for me. School doesn't because it is so related to my confusion about where my life is going.

I don't think thinking these thoughts are going to make t easier to fall asleep or prevent the crazy dreams. Although I don't know what would right now. I must go out tomorrow and do something new and stimulating. I must keep myself excited about my world. It's the only way I'll be able to manage.