before sleep

I was going to write in the morning but I just finished my nails so I have to waste some time before I can go to bed or I will ruin them.

The school situation is settled. My original school is giving me my deposit back. I registered with the other school and start on wednesday. The learning process is much more flexible and customized to each student, the whole course is done earlier, and it's cheaper. So that has turned back around. Now I just really want to start. I also need to tie up loose ends at HK inc. because once I finish my course I'm not too sure if I'll want to be there, or even need to be there. ("Need" based on my needs, they will still need me unless they want to hire someone new, which they don't.)

Tonight I miss FIlmmaker, but I know that I miss him in not the best ways. I miss him becasue I want to know what he thought of the "On the lot" episodes this week. And because it's cold and another body in my bed would make it cozy. And becasue I am craving chocolate and I know he would bring me some. It's somehow reassuring that I miss him for him in some ways though, and not just that I miss a generic someone. But I do feel that I just miss him now, and not deeply enough, or long term enough, to think I made a mistake.

But I do think I am still going to have to work on a lot of issues within myself regarding the whole relationship. I mean I know it didn't fail becasue of me, but I also know that I didn't always act in a way I would have hoped I would. And I don't feel any more equipped for the next relationship in most ways. Which leaves me feeling a little down about it. I can't wait as long this time, and I have to trust myself a little bit more. I was really confused most of the time, and just went from one end of like to the other pretty quickly and unexpectedly. Little things bothered me about him, and not always the things I would have thought did. It was a learning experience that I don't fully understand yet.

What else? Not much really. I have to stay focused on work and make money, and then be focused on school, and stay focused on crafts. And keep eating well because I want to lose some more weight. I've also been thinking about the possibility of a nose job in the far future. It's weird because it never really occured to me before now. And I'm doing a photoshoot next weekend which should be super fun.

My nails are pretty mcuh dry no so I am going to try to sleep. I have a lot to do around the house tomorrow and then dinner plans with a bunch of people from school. And I need to get a small gift. hmm. A stop at the salon might be in order. Not sure what for though. Some Dermalogica maybe.