No control

1. Filmmaker sent me an email Sunday afternoon. It was really long and I read it once while I was at work. I barely remember any of it but can't deal with reading it a second time. I do know he said he really is in love with me. He said he was trying not to wait (and went on other dates) but he really was waiting. I don't even know how to proceed with it all so I'm not doing anything except trying not to think about it.

2. I have a rash on my neck and I don't know what is causing it. It's just getting worse since Saturday and it's so itchy. I 've been trying to think about what I might have eaten or used on my skin that could be causing it, but unless I developed an allery to something I could always eat before I can't figure it out. But it is very red and very itchy.

3. My school date got pushed back again. To September. This means I have three months of waiting again. And it means I might not have the job at the spa when I am done. I am so frustrated/upset about it but I don't really feel I have any choice in the matter. I am going to look at two other schools today to see what their program is like, but who knows if they will be as good, or their program will be any better. And between my two jobs I don't really have a full-time one. Actually I'm sure HK Inc. could be full time but I really don't want to do it full time. That job in itself is a major source of frustration.

So overall I feel like crap, and I feel like I'm doomed to feel perpetually out of place and in transition. I'm not sure how to fix it, and I don't know where to turn to for help.