Anger

I'm mad at things. I am tired and sore and itchy and overwhelmed and worried about all the lectures I've missed and worried about all the money I'm spending and frustrated I can't drink without crying and even more frustrated my days are all about not having a father around and not being in England.

It all hit suddenly. Titania said I shouldn't be tired from sitting in lectures and I just think that's ignorant because some of my lectures and my seminar is really challenging and I haven't slept soundly for more than 4 hours in what must be nearing a month. Then she said she was going to take more time off work to spend more time on the island. I realize I told her there is no pressure to pay me back the money she owes me but don't take all kinds of time off.

I feel angry at everyone and I just want to sit here and cry and be by myself. I don't want to go to celebrities because I'm going to hate everything or be loud and irritating to myself. Or I'm going to drink and cry. And I'm going to be single for fucking ever.

Plus I have to go pick up my boxes at customs and I can feel it's going to end up with my mom mad because I don't have the proper packing list, but it should be on the fucking box anyways. And if my mom's mad I'm goign to cry becasue that's about all that is even slightly reliable about my world right now.

As much as I am disenchanted with school I really need to do well becasue if I can't get into my MA program in the UK I have no idea what I'm going to do once my one year working holiday visa is up. I'm stressed and upset. I have nothing else.