A slow Crash

I don't even know what to say here. I think I've gotten worse. I just feel like I'm completely falling and I'm never going to catch up with things. I have no clarity and can't think of a time since I've been home that I have had any at all. I'm probably dropped like 10 points on the stupid depression index in the last two weeks. My body wants 10 hours of sleep a day and I feel incapable of doing anything even though I desperately need to. In these moments I would phone my Dad. When I'm at school and in tears I'd phone him and I can't. Its not just a time or long distance issue - or maybe it's just a really extreme version of one.

But either way I don't know what to do. I have completely lost something. I don't feel at home but I don't know where home is. I want to be able to write what I want to do but I don't know. I have no idea what will make this all better. I'd like to just quit but there goes my MA. I got a B+ on my Egypt midterm and feel like I might as well have failed. I also don't know if he's going to let me hand in my paper next week. And I don't know if I can drop it becasue I think I need the credits to grad.

This is the stupidest thing ever. That's all I can feel about it.

Edit about an hour later: I've talked to Lily online. I feel a bit ok. I still have no idea what to do about my egypt lecture but I feel like I've got some people that love me. It's good to have it said outright. I also still don't know what to do but without any ativan with me I can't panic. I have nowhere safe here and I have to go to my lecture tonight.