Big sigh

So today I'm sad. And I sent a text message saying it's so. I don't expect a response at all though. I'm half hoping I don't get one. I hope it'll be read with a bit of sadness, followed by a understanding nod or something. I might not be so sad if I understood what happened. Or at least understood a little bit. I don't really know what kind of lesson to take away from this. I really don't want it to be that I shouldn't be open and free of expectations.

I think today I'm also feeling like I was somehow lacking. Maybe it comes to the idea that if something happens over and over to you that you're the problem and not the other people. Even though I know two failed relationships does not make a pattern, especially since pretty much every detail about them was different. I also know that every relationship fails until one succeeds. But I guess this feels more like a failed friendship than a failed relationship and that's harder to deal with. Even if it was a distant friendship most of the time.

I am thrilled to have the day off tomorrow. And an extra day off next weekend. I am also pleased of the housework I did this evening. I feel good about it. Now I just have to get my computer fixed.