Thinking

I've still reached no conclusion on Filmmaker. In some ways I feel it is something I should continue with just to get my dating comfort level up. In other ways I don't think I should if I'm not really into it. I talked about it with Orange a bit last night but didn't really get into what I was thinking as much as I probably should have.

It's not like going on a second date is a big deal anyways. right? Plus, the things that are bothering me are superficial and silly. I wonder if I'd not want to make a friend with the same type of circumstances. Either way I'm mean.

Despite all this pondering I know part of my fear is that if I do go forward there will be more expectitions and more newness and that makes me nervous. Also, I do have an internal voice telling me that I can't be picky. Like I don't have the priviledge of being so. It's not like I have other potential boys in the wings.

But maybe in that lies the solution. Go on a second date and find other people to have more first dates with. A challenge yes, but a good idea in the long run. And it's not leading the filmmaker on at all. Who knows, maybe he'll find out about my hate of hiking boots and fleece (and my feelings that he needs a hair cut) and decide he doesn't like me.

A problem with that solution is that I'm not sure how to meet other guys. I'm pretty busy in general with extra things but none of them are really boy friendly. Hmm. I will have to think of this one more. And email the filmmaker.

Edited to add:
1. I know there are intersting guys with style in this city - some of them must be single.
2. I'm worried that if I don't do this I'll be alone forever and this is my one chance at a relationship. I know this one is wrong but I still think it. I really want someone right now but I also can't have that mean I'm settleing. am I thinking about this way to hard? it's only a second date right? equally, they're just clothes right?