Control of something

1. Yesterday I had a councelling appointment at UBC. Afterwards I texted Titania the following. "I don't know how I can be so in control of feeling so retarded."

2. I had dinner with my mom and sister on Wednesday where I ended up crying at the restaurant and for the second time that day.

3. Earlier on Wednesday I got my art midterm back and I failed it. That's when I cried at the restaurant Titania and I were at for Lunch.

4. My mom agrees with all the investment plans I made with my sister and the investment planner. That is good.

5. My mom cried at dinner too. However, she wasn't supportive in the way I wanted about my school issues, but she did react in the way I expected but a tinier bit milder which is good overall.

6. I'm thinking about going to England over Christmas for a few days. It'll really depend on airfares and where I'd stay, and then if it maes any sense in general to do it.

7. Despite not studying until yesterday morning I feel great about how I did on my Visual Culture exam last night and it gave me a big energy boost that I really needed.

8. Falling asleep has gotten harder in the last two weeks but once I'm asleep I am good and I feel rested after a normal 8 hours. I did need to take ativan two nights ago to get me asleep.

9. There's some things ok and some things not. I'm still feeling very overwhelmed and worried about school but I feel less disconnected.

10. My mom suggested that if I'm not good for school right now I just let it go for a bit and work until I can collect myself. That was so upsetting and terrifying. I don't want to work. I want to be doing school. I could not imagine doing anything else than doing what I need for my MA. I have no alternative plan at all. That's all both scary and reassuring.