Unknown feelings

CRB never texted last night. He was drinking though and I wouldn't have wanted to see him if he was drunk. I will strongly resist the urge to call or text him and see when he gets ahold of me. I have other things to worry about. I don't feel hurt or disappointed but confused a bit. Nothing new when it comes to him though. I would invite him over tonight if he does contact me. I want to see him now. I want to have him hug me and make me feel warm and loved and like everything is going to be ok.

This morning I woke up and was stressed and exhausted from more crazy dreams. I didn't want to get out of bed at all but I have a presentation to do in a lecture today so I had too. Te bus ride took me from rainy Vancouver to snowy UBC. There's was a good 4 inches out there. I almost cried on the bus. Everything about the world felt sad.

I am feeling much better now. My presentation went well and people cheered me up. I know that being around people will usually help meak me feel ok but it's hard sometimes. I still feel low today but somehow feel I can do things I'm not really sure I can. I don't think that makes any sense.

(added at 20:40: I really want CRB to phone. I feel like a loser. ugh.)