24 hours

Yesterday I was hanging out with Zebra and CRb asked if I wanted to do something that night. I asked if he wanted to go out or my place and my place was the answer. I said I needed about 2 more hours with Zebra.

Later he texted me and told me he was on his way. An hour later no sign of him so I sent the first of two unanswered texts. An hour after that I tried calling. I wasn't sure what was going on (if he was coming or not) but I got no answer. Another 15 minutes after that I called again.

He answered and we had a conversation. He was still with his friend, and wasn't sure what was going on. I expressed my irritation on confusion. He apologized and showed stress about said friend and the frustration of not really having a home and the troubles with finding one. He also said something about the fragility of "us". I hung up saying I wasn't going to stay mad but I was disappointed and he owed me something very nice.

I slept with a sweater he left here. It smelled like him. I took deep breaths.

At work today I called him after my first client to see how the rest of his night went. I think I was secretly hoping for a bit more (sober) remorse. Just a small sentence even. Instead I got excitement about this place he might get and how he had fun and got really drunk with his friends the night before.

I hung up and felt stupid and ignored and unimportant. I don't expect to be his top priority but I was upset. I bought two magazines (Nylon and Lucky) and had two more clients. When I checked my messages after my clients he had called. I called him back and he asked if I wanted to do something with him. I was still upset and told him that I wasn't sure because I still wasn't impressed with his behaviour of the night before. I said I'd look and see what movies were playing and I'd call him back when I knew when I'd be done work.

I ended up saying yes to a movie (Jumper) and he met me at work with the perfect hot chocolate (half sweet, soy, no whip). I was a bit irritated the whole night and we talked a bit before the movies as we grabbed something small to eat. After the movie I knew he had plans so we sat down and talked a bit more.

We discussed: caring, differences, stress, priorites, compromises, life styles, attention.

We left with a kiss and walked in different directions. He told me to call him when I got home. I left feeling much better. Smiling even.

When I got home I called him. He wanted to come over and I said he still could. So he's just finishing his beer and coming over. I'm really hoping to not be disappointed again, and told him if I was then this thing we're trying was done for another three years, and in three years I wouldn't try again.

We'll see. I'm showered and moisturized and in black lace underwear and a black tank top. He'd be silly not to want to come over.