Shrinking

One of my favorite skirts was always just on the small side. Today I wore it and it's too big. It's half exciting and half sad. I love this skirt, but it is too long and kind of frumpy now.

Last night I was awoke by a phone call just after midnight. CRB (is this still an appropriate name?) had a rough day and just wanted to hear my voice. He felt bad for waking me up and we only talked for a few minutes. Then we started text messaging and it continued until a bit after 3:30 am. A text every 15 or 20 minutes. I would sleep in between them.

It was pretty much all about sex but I feel I can't share it. We were talking on Tuesday about how "of course I tell my friends about you and some of our conversations" but he said he didn't at all, and was kind of shocked that I did. I guess it's safe to say that he wants to fuck me. That's nearly a direct quote. but he also may have sort of revealed a bit of insecurity about if I'm really interested in that way.

When I think about it I totally am. However, it's not going to be just as simple as fucking when we get some time alone. We've not even kissed yet. (But he wanted to the other night, but wasn't sure if it'd be ok with me. I told him I'm pretty sure it would have been.) I don't think we're going to have a chance to see each other again before Monday so for now hopefully just thinking about it will make me more relaxed about actually doing it.

To an extent I feel like things are in limbo right now so if I said I wanted to back off and not go in this dating direction now he would probably be ok, and we could be friends again every few months/years. But I think if we go head and start kissing and having sex then it's decided. We won't go back to friends. The "what if" factor will be gone and there'll be no reason to stay in touch. That would make me sad.

ok, he's texting me now, so I'm going to get into bed and start trying to sleep. If he's still texting by 12:00 I'm going to cut him off because I need to go to the gym in the morning. I need to get my focus back there, and not on the boy.

(oh, but first, I wonder if there'll be valentines stuff? Like I expect nothing because it's still early but it might be fun to go on a nice date. I don't know if he's the type who would do flowers or anything like that. I would totally fuck him if he did though. As long as they were a good exciting flower choice. I'm totally kidding about that. really.)