Tired Mind

I am on only about 1 and a half hours of sleep. I was full of energy this morning and up until I started to get really bored at around 1:00. I only have one client today at 4:30 so until then I just sit. I did have to go to the bank, and then went to futureshop, but overall lots of boredom. That starts me thinking, which makes me more neurotic and self-doubting.

Which comes back to why I slept so little. CRB came over last night very late. He had to stay almost an hour late at work so I stayed awake doing my best not to fall asleep. But then once he was over (1:30 am?) I couldn't fall alseep. We talked and looked at pictures. Getting more and more physically close as things went.

I slept in less than I though I'd feel comfotable in, but more than I'd usually sleep in. And I wasn't the least bit uncomfortable. There was no sex but there was kissing. It was good. Not just the kissing, the whole thing.

As of yesterday morning I just feel different. Less stressed, less neurotic, more open, more optimistic. I think it has to do with seeing how sad I was when I was 13, but also with how calm I'm feeling about things with CRB. Like I know he's not perfect, and I know he's different than before in really good ways. But I also know that I have to rebuild with him even though our chemistry is still super intense. We have to build from where we are now, and not where we were 14 years ago.