Worries

I'm worried about money. I found out that I won't be getting the money I ususally get on the 26th of the month until the 5th. This means I don't have the money to pay my rent. It's stressful. I'm also owing money on all my bills. I was hoping i could catch up in february but I don't think I'm going to working anymore than I am now at HK Inc. so I'm going to have to get another job.

Right now I feel restless and it's not good. I only have a month of school left and I don't know what to do after that. I don't feel confident with what I have portfolio wise right now to go after photography jobs. I know that I can't let that stop me because doing work is the only way to build my portfolio. And then I start thinking again about applying to MAC. I just don't really know right now. I have to do something.

I was sad today I wasn't getting ready for visiting England. I was in the Bay (I had a gift card) and was looking for Bras on sale but there was nothing nice in my size. It just made me think about Marks and Specers and how they have so much awesome stuff in larger sizes. And no H&M here either. And no Lily or anything like that.

So I'm just wandering around my flat feeling lost. There's no food here I want to eat but I can't really afford to ordar something either. I feel like I need to be away from here. Or at least after school is done. But there's no where I can afford to go and somehow everything in my life is theoretically on track.

I want someone/something to rescue me. But that's lazy and spoiled. That's me being used to everything working out. Shouldn't this make me happy? Be reassuring? This is useless. I'm not continuing this line of thought.

I am no longer excited about the Filmmaker. distance maybe? I'm scared in some ways but I know that it's thinking that will be self-fulfilling if I keep it up. Maybe I'm not this person I think I am/could be. I just don't know right now. I'm bored and lonely. That's what I know.