All Over My Map

1. Laughter

My flatmates might think I'm crazy because I keep laughing out loud in my room, but there's no one else in it. Laughter enducing items have been as follows: A play I read today for one of my lectures. This webpage of weird sex laws. A certain anecdote from Bedshaped about a guy wanking in the middle of traffic. I also called myself a loser and thought that was funny, because I may be home on a Friday night but I am kind of having fun with all the new music I have acquired in the last few days and giving myself a pedicure.


2. Ex's

My longest relationship was my second one. We'll my first one is a novel in itself, and we never actually kissed but he was more than a friend. We had our times together from between the ages of 12 and 20. There were stretches of years where I didn't see him but when I did see him, or talk to him, something happened. He was the guy previously mentioned with the tummy rubbing. He is totally the wrong person for me but our chemistry is so thick you can see it in the air. One night when I'm feeling pathetically lonely you will hear about him. I reserve my longing for him to those moments.

Anyways, my longest relationship was my second one. We kissed. We kissed a lot. We did more than kiss alot. Ah, I'm losing focus. Artboy and I were together for two and a half years. Eventually, he broke up with me and wanted to stay friends but I was hurt and couldn't/didn't want to do it. We stopped seeing or talking to eachother at all. We now see each other at a yearly event he started going to because I have gone since I was a baby and he would come with me. He had a girlfriend after a while who I happily met and he decided to tell me one year that they had some problems but were sorting through it and he loved her. And you could tell he did.

Now since I've moved 1000's of miles a way, we talk a lot more. Maybe once every week or two. Well it's a lot more compared to once a year. It's good we're friends and nice to talk to him on that level after so long even though we are such different people now, in relation to who we were as people and compared to each other. So I know him and the girl have still been having problems but they live together and have been together for at about 4 years, maybe more, and have talked marriage seriously. But now, they have broken up. I didn't really know what to say but I feel sad for him. He said it's better than all the fighting but I guess I was just happy one of us had found someone to love. I never for a second thought I coulld love any of the people I've dated. Is that sad? I don't know if this is going anywhere. Maybe it will another day.


3. Flashback

The other night, I had just got myself off with very good success and was lying in bed with the sleep dress I was wearing bunched up around my waist and my vibe still warm and between my legs. I recalled a night maybe a year or so ago at a party at a friends house. There were four of us friends who were skunk drunk. I mean I could name maybe 5 other people at the party and there were at least 20 other people there I knew well. We were out of it. The whole night was filled with sexual tension. Between everyone. Lots of tit grabbing. Discussions of meetings in bathrooms that never occured. Giggles everytime someone said a word like "hard" or something equally normal but potentially sex related. Talk of if boyfriends went down on their girl enough.

The end of the night came and many people left but a bunch stayed and slept in various places around the house. I snagged a couch where I slept in my own in my thong and one of my hosts skimpy camisoles that just barely fit over my breasts. Normally I'd just stay in whatever shirt I wore that night, but tonight there was seriously someting in the air or the drink. We giggled more and discussed our breasts more but eventually everyone quietened and I was left feeling incredibly wanton. So there on the couch in the middle of a living room with several other people sleeping or awake I jilled off to a quiet but necessary orgasm. All the while imagining what if two things brought up during the craziness of the night had really happened.


4. Practicalities

The Birmingham trip has been moved to Wednesday because I have it off and I didn't wake up until 11:00 today because I didn't set my alarm last night. Today I felt gorgeous. Like, beautiful and hot and flirtatious. Cleavage, dark and shiny lips and a few other small items was all it took. Hopefully the feeling will stick with me and will be used to my advantage. That's it. Sorry for all the rambling here but this is what needed to be said tonight. My blogger spellcheck thing doesn't fucking work. I'll correct errors as I locate them. I am smart, a nerd even. I wore my glasses today even when I was reading. I feel crazy but happy. gleeful might be the right word. I should be dancing or something.