unreasonably

Sometimes I feel upset or sad or whatever and it's not for any logical reason. There's a moment when I realize I only have very few friends here and that if they all have other plans, I am left as I am now. Like the guys downstairs, I don't feel like I can just pop in to theirs becasue I'm bored and stuff. Like I'm sure other people have better things to be doing, which is an insecurity thing. I also have an issue, that it takes a long time for me to say I'm someones friend, and close enough to just kind of contact them out of the blue.

So now, with Victoria cancelling, I feel like I have nothing to do and I'm bored and alone. I like to think sometimes that I have all these people and all these things but then times like this makes me wonder if I'm totally fooling myself. Like maybe Victoria isn't tired, she just doesn't want to go out with me. And maybe the guys downstairs don't want to hang out with me, and the only reason I ever end up hanging out with them is because they feel sorry for me when they are on their way out and see me sitting in my room. I know it's not true, but it's still a thought I have sometimes.

Crap, I'm sad now and feel like crap. It's weird how 20 hours, 9 of which I spent sleeping, can make such a difference.