Obsession

Here are two of the main reasons I suck at dating:

1. I get obsessed with people with whom there is no posibility of actually hooking up with.
2. I can't tell at all if someone is interested in me, or is just wanting a friendship.

I have known both these things for a while, and both of them were major factors in the guy I was seeing in November and december before it ended with two unreturned voicemails. But now the first one is back in the forefront.

Well I came to the, maybe delayed, conclusion that I am obsessed with Elliot (see 'All dressed up" and "Some Recent History" for some background) but nothing will happen nor do I want it too really. I could list the reasons, but not yet. I realized this as I was cooking dinner tonight and formulating an email to him. No, no, I'm not going to look him up, email him out of the blue and seem all creepy. I was studying for an exam today and found his email address on some notes. I did a project with him in early November and we were emailing stuff back and forth with another guy. So, now I could email and it would be less creepy.

But what am I doing emailing him? Asking him to a giant drunk fest when he doesn't drink? How stupid is that? Plus he's, if not shy, quiet and knows none of my friends. Though I did half invite Paul, who he does know. He has a girlfriend and I do not go after boys with girlfriends, ever. And I have to see him in class for the next 4 months.

How fucked up am I? And Paul is a situation where I hope he doesn't like me because I'm not interested in him and dealing with that is not something I am good at either. I am so fucked up. Plus every once in a while I think of the unknown boy at the bar last week and wonder why that couldn't have actually have happened. It turns out Victoria was so drunk she didn't even know this was happening and would have waited had she known. I want exams to be over and fall asleep drunk tomorrow.