This morning has been weird. Weird isn't quite the right word for it though. I feel very natural and settled right now. I don't really know what that means. Maybe I shouldn't be writing here. I should be reading.
I think this is the first time where I feel like going home won't make me miserable. I'd rather stay here, but home will be ok for two years. I'll just have to do things I'm happy with. Volunteer at the wonderfully abbreviated gallery. Get a low stress and responsibility job. Keep focusing on school to get a good degree.
It's like I feel comfortable in my skin, but I kind of always do. I don't know really. I need to make a grocery list before I leave campus today because if I go to Sainsbury's without one it'll be a disaster. And I have to make real meals the next few days - good for body and for budget.
Monday, February 28, 2005
Coming to terms
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8 comments:
I always miss the good stuff when I don't check in on weekends. Blargh!
Good luck today!
I'm so tired, I want the day to be over. But instead, I still have a whole lot of hours to go, plus the fact that there is a really big snowstorm moving in, which will make the commute home all that much more fun.
Wait I'm confused, what offer have you decided to decline?
The weekends are my thinking time becasue I feel like I have all kinds of time to do whatever I want, even though I usually don't.
So do you like not like your job? It seems like you moved for it (I could be misreading this), but you always want the day to end.
your offer. I was quite pre-occupied with it this weekend. was there another offer?
Wow, I can't believe I made you contemplate it for so long. So does that mean your final answer is no? Or can I try and continue to convince you otherwise? Did you want another offer?
I like my job, it's just that some days I would prefer to be home in bed, or doing other things. When things are working well, I actually like working and don't mind working late. When things aren't working well, I'd rather just be at home.
you didn't make me contemplate - I had to figure out why it was difficult to decide. No more offers for now.
Just one other question.
Am I a stranger? Sure we've never met in real life, and probably won't ever, but I probably know more about you than a lot of people and you sure as hell know more about me than almost anyone.
So does that still make us strangers?
Did I say you were a stranger? I shouldn't have if I did.
I said I had decded but I've still been thinking about it because I think my decision is similar somehow to those I make in my life about guys. I think the publicity of it has something to do with it. But it's more than just intimacy, or just privacy. It may be that fear again. of what? I'm still working on it.
Does it not make sense that I declined?
Of course it does. I'm just being a tool.
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