Another Sunday

I emailed my boss at HM Inc. thins morning asking for a giant pay advance. We'll see how it goes.

I am feeling a bit irritated at Lily today. After being pretty ignored by her on Friday I was a bit angry but didn't really get what was going on so I just waited. But she just kind of took off only paying attention to scotsman becasue she just wanted to get home. I didn't even get a goodbye or concern about how I was getting home or anything. She just walked away.

Then yesterday I talked to her online via scotman because she was in bed but there was no explanation of the pervious night or anything. All I know is that she was irritated with him, then she went to talk to him and then she came bac to the table alone and said they had a big fight and she thought he left. Then he showed up and they talked, then the other people we had met there left and then she basically was attatched to scotsman potentially crying like I wasn't even there.

And if it was panic or whatever, I mean that fine, I understand, been there a lot, over and over again, but two days later I resent not been given even five minutes. According to her journal she's feeling fine and just realxing at scotsmans. I don't even want an apology. Just tell me what went on so I don't feel completely ignored and unimportant. Plus, potentialyl we're going to the fav place tonight for their quiz night but I have no idea becasue I haven't heard from her. I hate being shut out of things.

But maybe at the end of all of it I'm feeling friendless. And maybe today I want to go home for the second time in 9 months. If only I had money to shop, as that always makes me happy. Young downstairs boy left today. I just saw him and his dad loading stuff into their car. Stripedcoat is out of town. I need either him or lily to be in touch with Dakota, who I would like to go out with on Wednesday. And I need lily to get in touch with politics boy. I just want to feel wanted and I don't.

I also think I'm irritated with Lily about the fact that her and scotsman are so dependent on each other. But it didn't really bug me until I got ignored and a night wasted because of it. I guess I just see their kind of dependence as kind of an immature and unhealthy thing to have in a relationship. One of you should never make the other guilty for wanting to do something else. You shouldn't feel obligated to always do the same things. I think just as important as wanting to do things together is wanting to do the occasional thing apart.

But I'm not anywhere near being in a relationship so who am I to say anything? I can't even get past a conversation - drunk or sober. I don't want this to be my last month. I want to go out without drama. I want to see my friends a few last times. I want to feel happy about what I've got. Not irritated, not sad, not alone. I want to feel lucky and social and myself.