half full of resentment

I just read an episode of the Gilmore Girls. It ended with Rory being told by one guy he liked her, but her syaing she was into someone else and then that someone else coming to her flat and them making out. So usually I'm left with a warm and fuzzy feeling about characters I like hooking up but not tonight.

Tonight I feel resentful and lonely and like the world is rubbing my face in my state of inescapable singleness. I am feeling sexually lacking and not as pretty or as wonderful as I should be feeling. I guess I kind of felt like a failure and a bit hopeless since early in the day. Sad and pathetic are other words that come to mind but I really hate ever associating them with myself.

Classclown is out of town for the next week so I'm hoping not seeing him for a while will settle that down in my head. I wonder what's wrong with me, or what I'm doing wrong, but I'm not really doing anything other than just kind of being myself. And I am sometimes shy and awkward, but also outgoing and fun sometimes. I just don't know. I feel like even when I meet people, no one is going off afterwards thinking about me. Not in a "she's fit" way or in a "she's cool" way. I don't think people dislike me either, but I'm just kind of in the backgroud.

This mood is a far cry from how I should be feeling considering all the social events lined up before the end of term and even into next term.