To Be Loved (amatus)

I just spent the last half hour writing a really long post that I didn't copy first and it was lost into the abyss of wherever lost posts go.

The short of it was I feel lonely today and I want someone who wants me to not feel lonely. I had a dream that was complicated but the main points that transfer into my real life are feeling nervous when it's not warranted and wanting this who guy-finding thing to be simple and natural and uncomplicated.

Last night I at first thought Lily and scotsman were hot because they love each other, but they also lust for each other, then they made me sad because everyone I was with was coupled (friends or relationships) and I was on my own. Two gay boys hooked up and I knew one and was finding him really annoying so I didn't think they were that hot despite me wanting to. I think the reason I found the one boy annoying is because he had said something not so nice to stripedcoat earlier that day and I was irritated that that made stripedcoat leave early and not dance because I wanted to dance with him. I also found out that we think stripedcoat has developed a bit of a drinking problem and it upsets me.

So there it is in under 10 minutes. No details but the important stuff. I want to go home and lie in my bed and cry and read. But instead I have one inspiring and one waste of time lecture to go to and then I'm meeting Victoria and others to go see a film tonight. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow and Dinner with good people will help.

I do want to add that over all last night was good. Got suitably drunk, danced and have no physical hangover today. And I got to spend lots of time talking with Lily which we haven't done too recently. We're also going to have a dinner party at my flat after the break which is exciting.